Have you ever met someone that right from the start you hit it off with? The interaction just flowed and you weren’t doing anything but being who you are. You laughed, smiled, told jokes, told stories and for just a fleeting moment you thought, “Wow this person is so cool.” In that moment you are experiencing something so profound and mystical that scientists have devoted their lives to proving exists. What is that thing?
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In its simplest definition, chemistry is the interaction of one personality with another. In science when two chemicals interact we know that it can have an explosive results and the same is true when it comes to dating. Before we explore what dating chemistry is we must understand what it is not.
Chemistry is NOT just attraction…
Attraction is something you can generate in another person by banter, role-play, fun, touching and other playful activities. Chemistry is not something you do to another person it is something you have with them. In attraction you are doing actions and generating a feeling from the person, with chemistry you are not “doing’ anything but you build a connection. Chemistry happens when two people’s personalities align in such a powerful way that a bond is build between them. When you are trying to generate attraction you are doing actions that cause an emotional reaction in the other person.
Attraction is about doing, chemistry is about being…
Attraction is something you can generate in most people you meet; chemistry is something you find in a very rare amount of people. Just because you have similar personalities and get along doesn’t mean you found “the one.” Since we understand the differences between attraction and chemistry we should break down the types of chemistry people can have.
The way I see it, there are two types of chemistry, Personal and Sexual.
Personal Chemistry is all about your personalities. Do you have similar personality traits and commonalities? Personal chemistry is finding a person who you connect with based on who you are to the core. Personal chemistry is much deeper then commonalities like “we both enjoy the same music.” Personal chemistry is a longing or drawing to each other based on personalities. This is often mystical to people because they might not know what it is about that person but they just seem so cool. This type of chemistry is often confused for attraction because of its mystical nature. There is no doubt that mystery cause’s attraction and often times the root of the mystery is that people don’t understand that they have personal chemistry and thus have developed feelings of attraction.
Attraction can be created by chemistry but chemistry can never be created by attraction because chemistry is reveled and attraction is created.
Sexual chemistry is a draw to each other sexually. Sexual chemistry is more than just a want for your partner; it is a compatibility with each other’s fantasies. If oral sex is important to you but she doesn’t want to perform it much and is really not into it when she does then you don’t have sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is all about your sexual preferences being in alignment with each other, not sacrificing either person’s fetishes but embracing them because they ARE your own. If you feel like you had a better sex life with another partner it doesn’t bode well for your sexual chemistry.
You can have one type of chemistry and not another and often this is the case. People can have all the personal chemistry in the world but if attraction is not created then you become best friends. Furthermore, you can have all the sexual chemistry in the world but if you don’t have personal chemistry then chances are you will be friends with benefits.
Finally, remember that chemistry is something reveled. If you find someone who you have personal and sexual chemistry with than that is a rare gift and something worth perusing. Finding that person starts with being honest with who you are and what you want. If you don’t know who you are then you cannot develop personal chemistry with another person. If you don’t know what you want in the bedroom then you are going to miss out on sexual chemistry. At the core of these chemistry lies one solid fundamental that once you control will help revel the chemistry that may be in the other person.
That fundamental is self confidence.
If you have the self confidence to communicate clearly who you are and what you want out of sex then you open yourself up to finding a chemistry that has the potential to explode.